Memories & Misemotions

The odd thing about missing someone you're not in contact with is that it seems so misemotional. It's not one of those, I care about my friend/significant other and miss their presence, type of missing someone. It's a weird, strangely uncomfortable feeling that creeps in when you think about that person who used to be part of your life. Their name can pop up in conversation or on Facebook or the like, and suddenly you're walking down Reminiscing Lane. I constantly wish that life could be like Eternal Sunshine for the Spotless Mind, where they chose to forget all the memories of someone who was part of their life... except that I wish I could do it with very specific memories and not all of them. I don't want to lose all of someone's impact on my life; just those haunting memories that stick with me and won't go away no matter what I seem to do - bad or good.

Letter Writing Challenge Intro and Letter #1

I found that I often have a lot of things I want to say to someone way after I have the chance to. 20/20 hindsight and all that. So, I found a letter writing challenge post online and decided that I'm going to do it here publicly on my blog. I'm not going to do every single day of the letters, because many of them don't apply to my life, but I will write a majority of them.

Letter #1a:

Dear X,

I've never known quite what to say to you and quite how to say it, which is often how I felt during our relationship. (It always made me laugh because writers are always supposed to have the "right words.") But I guess the first thing to say is thank you. I feel like out of all the different relationships I've had (of different sorts) with guys, ours was the most positive learning experience for me.

Although the end wasn't perfect, the relationship we did have was so wonderful that it taught me a lot of what I'm looking for in a significant other. The qualities you possessed and the way you treated me showed me how much I deserve and how nice it feels to have that. Our relationship is the only one I can talk fondly about and (at this point) without much hurt. I sincerely think that you helped me to regain a lot of sanity in relationships in general and your playful, kind attitude and how much care you showed for me was sincere and wonderful.

It always hurts to have a relationship end, whether it's your choice, someone else's choice, a mutual choice, or any mix of the above; especially unexpectedly. But I don't hold on to any distasteful feelings for the end; I remember the time fondly and hope that I always do. If we're being honest here, the way we broke up hurt. And it hurt for a while. I know I wasn't the only one who was hurt by it, but I definitely look back at our time together in a sad/happy way. Happy I had the chance to be with someone like you, but sad it ended the way it did, unexpectedly and too soon. I can only hope for your happiness and that I was as kind to you as I thought I was and that you enjoyed our time as much as it seemed.

So again, thank you. Thank you for being a good boyfriend and showing me good guys exist.

Daisy

No Regrets

When does this get easier; I need all the help that I can get
Forgetting you is a task within itself that I will soon regret
I promise in the end it'll all be worth the risk and pain
but the time it takes to get there is taking the fight out of me

I can't sleep, my eyes get heavy but they just won't close
The end is near, but exactly where, nobody knows
Overwhelming pressure to be like everyone else
It's as if our own identities have up and disappeared

Such sinister statements spoken in tongues
Your look upon me squeezing the breath out of my lungs
Crying out is pointless; it's as if I'm in a soundproof box
Just run away, far away, and never plan to return